Thinking About...

This guy.

It seems with every new baby that blesses our home, I go into a funk right before they come. It's actually a little bit of a mourning. I look at my babies and realize that things are going to change for them. And I don't want things to change for them, especially because they had no choice in the matter. I know all about the miraculous ability of a mom's heart to multiply in its ability to multiply the love. I've been so fortunate to experience that 4 times now, and it still never ceases to amaze me. Just when you think you can't love anything or anybody as much as you do the little monkeys you have, suddenly a new one comes and immediately is right up there with the rest of the bunch. I always worry that our new additions will end up spending their lives in the crib, since there is no way they will be as much fun, or as cute, or as worthy of love as the kids I've got, but so far that has never happened. Immediately, I love them the most. Just like I love all the others the most.

But, there is something that can't be multiplied, no matter how hard I try. The time. I know that with this new baby, everyone will get 20% less. 20% less time, 20% less attention, 20% less mom. This poor new addition is at a disadvantage already. He only starts at 20%. Does that make him the underdog right off the bat, or does the 20% loss the others will sustain make them suffer more? I don't know. Anyway you look at it, it makes me sad.

Hudson is the youngest "big" sibling we have had. He is a good 9 months younger than Abigail and Harrison were when we had a new baby, and he is 3 months younger than Leah was when he came along. But, he just seems so much smaller. It doesn't help that the kid doesn't talk. Or eat. That just makes him feel so, so little. When my belly began to explode with Hudson, Leah was already in full conversation mode. She would tell people that there was a "blue baby" in mommy's tummy. So, we knew that she at least understood there was something going on. We felt a little more prepared for the transition with her. But it feels like Hudson has absolutely no idea what is about to happen. All he knows is that mom doesn't carry him around as much as she used to, and she walks funny. How is that preparation to become a big brother? I worry.

I guess all I can do is my best and try to be as forgiving of myself as these cute little faces seem to be. I just have to make sure I let each of them know as often as I can that they are my favorite, which should be easy since they all are.  

Look at that face.  He has no idea what is coming.  Poor guy.  Big Brother is a big title.  He can do it, though.  If not, I'll just have a whole bunch of new balls on hand to distract him.  That will make him happy.