Robyn Michele And The Horrible, Terrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

I was going to write some long, morose post on why it's taken me so long to put anything up on the good ole blogeroo. You know, the "we're so busy", "things are crazy around here", "5 kids is super hard" post that all the kids are doing nowadays. But then I came across this in my archives. I wrote it, put the pictures in, and then ran out of time to just push the publish button. I think it explains a lot. Anywho, here's an oldie but goodie. I think it came about somewhere in July, which is the last memory I have before sleep deprivation turned me into an actual zombie.

I woke up to the computer screen looking like this.

Each one of those blue blurbs is a dictation for one tired, sleepless child. When I receives these files at night they take about 30 minutes each to complete. But when I receive them during the day, it takes a slightly longer amount of time. Instead of completing them like I'm driving on the freeway, I'm suddenly moving at the speed of a handcart company. Traveling through tar. Or as fast as the kids move when they are supposed to be putting on their shoes. After cleaning their rooms. S L O W L Y.

Here's why things go so slowly during the day. It starts off..

Patient name Harrison Bra

Stop to insert binkie.

Brammer. Date of birth March 1st 2003. Date of stud

Reinsert binkie.

study June 30, 2

Break up some fight between some kids who are mad because one is "thinking" something the other one doesn't want them to think.

2010. Referring physic

Reinsert binkie.

Physician, Dr. whatshisname. History: Harrison has a history of being super weird for the past

Pull a loose tooth. Seriously.

past 7 years. He began having symptoms of weirdness beginning

Find the child who is obviously rotting from the inside out and change the diaper. De-fumigate the house by lighting every single scented candle we have and opening all the windows. The hot air that comes in is way better than the stench that needs to go out.

a few days after his birth. Symptoms of weirdness include

Reinsert binkie and get up to make a bottle. Wrap baby up super tight and prop bottle. That's right. I'm a bottle propper. And I use a sweater that my Oma made to keep that bottle right where it should be. Oma would approve, I'm sure. Bottle propping can turn this..

Into this.

Now I can get more than 10 words typed in a row. Unfortunately the kids are off track. Usually I love having all of them around me. Usually does not include when I have more than a days worth of work to do. So, after interruption upon interruption I load them up with popsicles and other equally healthy snacks and send them (lock them) outside. Nice. I love you, outside.

I know. You're shocked and probably outraged. Go on, call the authorities. That's okay. Me and the authorities are Besties. The authorities have my number on speed dial 3, right after the fire department and their mom. The kids and the authorities have play dates at least twice a week. So, go on and call. They'll be expecting you.

I manage to get about 1/3 complete and when my hands move from achy to tingly to numb I decide that I need a break in the form of a shower. I beg, plead, and threaten the children with bodily harm to not open the door whilst I am showering, even if one of them bursts into flames, as this will wake the sleeping baby. So, instead I just get a lot of this.

Which surprisingly does not wake the sleeping baby. What does wake the sleeping baby, however, is the pure genius of the smoke detector placed just outside of the bathroom door. This brain trust goes off every time I take a shower with water temperatures even 1 degree hotter than room temperature. Ah, the builders at Centex. I'd love to meet you in person so I can punch you right in the face.

Yeah, yeah. More shock. More outrage. I refer you back to the previous authorities paragraph.

The rest of the day continues on this same course until I serve the crazed monkeys dinner in the form of 5 buck pizza promptly at 8:45 p.m. I survey the damage done to the house and decide to throw in the towel and head over to the 'Circle for ice cream cones. A balm that can heal all the day's wounds. I gather all my chickies into my bed for a movie and decide to tackle the rest of the work after they fall asleep. At least the day ended on a good note. I love these guys.

And sometimes after a day like today, I can't believe that they love me right back. It gets me every time. Hopefully tomorrow will be better.