The Breakfast Of Champions

When you need Bo to babysit your kids, and it involves breakfast, be warned that this is what you'll find when you come home.

Is it any wonder they are always asking "when is Bo going to have a sleep over?" Thanks for sugaring the kids up and then leaving, Bo.

The Duck Pond

I will venture out to Provo every now and then for only 2 reasons: the Bean Museum, and the duck pond. Oh, and a birthday dinner every now and then at the Brick Oven. I guess that makes 3 reasons. And on a day when the school is closed because it almost burned down (it was so close, darn it), and we are tired of just waiting to be evacuated, we decided that a picnic at the good old duck pond is a perfect reason to make the drive.

A picnic! Hooray! We are so excited!

At a park named after Harrison. Awesome, man. Rock on.

We climb trees to see the ducks from above...

... and keep our eyes on them from the path.

We have our trusty baby be the keeper of the picnic blanket. He can do that while sucking his thumb at the same time. I know. We have a genious on our hands.

Now, this duck pond runs a very distant second place to aunt Karen's back-duck-yard. But, to try to make up for the lack of Karen, this duck pond has the as-many-turtles-as-you-can-fit-on-a-log log.







And duck bums!









And more duck bums!






The End.

Bones Breaking, Pirate Teeth, and Blue Ribbons in Motherhood

The Young Men were having an activity at the park where they roll an enormous sheet of plastic down the hill, cover it with soap, and turn on the water. A king size slip and slide. Jeb decided to bring along Leah and Harrison for the ride. He also, unfortunately, decided to let other people come as well. This resulted in Leah's face colliding with another kid's head. She came home complaining that her teeth hurt. Me, as mother of the year, told her to put some ice on her mouth and she would be fine. Within a few days, her tooth began to discolor and I knew that it was more than just a "walk it off" injury. One of the short people in our house dubbed it her "pirate tooth".

A visit with the dentist confirmed it. Yup, it definitely hurts. He recommends doing a baby root canal to ease the swelling on the blood supply. I take her in first thing in the morning, she gets a shot in her patoot, goes limp, and they take her off to the back rooms. Once the dentist begins to work, her tooth crumbles. It was so filled with tiny cracks that it basically just disintegrates. Dr. Eric says to me over and over again "she had major trauma to her teeth" and "she suffered a really major blow to that tooth". Yeah for me! I told her to ice it! Super good advice. At least it was easy for Leah. I asked her what she remembered about her appointment. "I got a shot in my tushie. Then I picked a prize. And then... it was time to go home!" She doesn't remember the small detail of me pinning her down to get that shot. Thank heavens. We only have college funds set up for the kids. No future therapy funds - yet.





Exactly 3 days after that dentist visit, I get a call from Harrison at school. "I fell at recess and my hand really hurts" he said. I replied with "Bubba, you only have an hour left. Do you think you can stick it out?" It was just a fall while playing soccer, right? Nothing serious. Not even a band aid.


When he came home I put him to work doing his homework and chores, all the while he was complaining about his hand still hurting. Since we've met our maximum out of pocket for the year (which would be nice if it hadn't come at the expense of a hernia surgery, delivery of a baby, and 3, count 'em, 3 kidney stones) I figure we can send him in for an x-ray. Jeb takes him over to the ER where it's discovered that Harrison has broken his hand in 2 places. The nurses ask him "on a scale of 1 to 10, with 10 being the most painful thing you have ever felt, where is your pain at right now?" Harrison contemplates his answer for a minute, and then comes back with a response of "30". And I added another gold star to my awesome mom chart.





Don't you just love it when you get this mothering thing down? No, really, I'm asking because I have no idea how it feels to get this mothering thing down. Do you love it? I'm a superstar among mothers, I tell you what. Harrison is now in a cast for 6 weeks, and Leah has a new tooth. Supermom in action. I rock. Hopefully the state will call before they come to get the kids. That way I can pack for Harrison, what with his bum arm and all. It's the least I can do.

He's 5 months! Hooray!

Holden has his 5 month checkup today. I know, I know. It's supposed to be 4 month checkup. Close enough. But even still, the doctor was able to confirm it. Yep, he's definitely 5 months old.

The stats:

Wieght - 15 lbs 12 oz. 40th percentile. You get 10 kids and line them up according to weight. He's 4th out of 10. Funny since he was such a major heavyweight. I guess he gets a pretty good workout with all the complaining he does.

Height - 26 1/2 inches. 80th percentile. He's a sprouting, our littlest.

Roly Poly - He's right up there with the best of 'em. Rolling front to back and back right on over to front again. Doll face.

Kicking - Top of the charts. These legs are in constant motion. Especially at night, and even more so when he's supposed to be sleeping next to his sleeping mama, but decides to be kicking her instead. Oh man, am I tired.

Fluffy - Out of 10 kids, he's 214th. He's so fluffy! And chewy! And oh couldn't you just squeeze him while gritting your teeth and speaking in a really, really high voice saying things like "I could smother you in grandma's mustard and swallow you whole"!

The other thing we learned from this visit is that he is a bit dramatic. After his shots, the pucker face was cranked up to maximum. It seems like he thinks that if he pouts, but with his mouth wide open, he'll elicit more sympathy. Too bad it just makes me laugh.

He's wonderful, my little fluffy. We're all coming into our own around here. Mostly me, and mostly him. We've gotten used to each other, my baby and me. And, my, how he makes this place so much better to be in.

And the heavens opened

Lo, it began to be cloudy. And lo, the rain started to fall. Yea, it fell even for 8o and 9 minutes. And the waters began to puddle. And the puddles begat pools. And the pools begat ponds. And the ponds begat rivers. For behold, the storm was large. So large that the people of the valley girded their loins and began to scramble to collect food storage. And lo, the girlies of the house did scream and squeal in delight. They delighteth in every boom and flash that came forth from the sky. And when the rain did ceaseth, the girlies did soak in a warm bath. And behold, it was filled with bubbles.

Yea, and the mother's heart was filled. Even to overflowing. For so great was her happiness.

Abigail's Birthday Extravaganza - Act 3

Disclaimer: These pictures were taken after the fact with actor portrayal. I was absolutely not in the frame of mind to go and grab my camera to capture this moment. No way.

Abigail is only 10 years old and already has had to have the police and paramedics come and crash her party. Oh, there's a story in here, you betcha. This does not bode well for her teenage years.

For the third and final phase of Abigail's birthday celebration, we decided to take her and one of her friends out for lunch and pedicures. She also wanted to bring along Leah and Grandma to help celebrate her girlishness. Afterwards there was much partying to be had in the backyard swimming pool.

We decided that she and her friend were to come home together after school and we would leave right away for lunch. This would give us a good amount of time to load us all up, have a relaxed pasta lunch, and meet grandma at the Spa for the pedi's.

We didn't include the Hudson factor.

I had arranged with my neighbor to watch the boys while we went to the spa. But just before that we had some last minute running around to do before the girls came home, and while running Holden fell asleep in his carseat. So, I was gathering up the boys' lunch supplies and putting them in the car, keeping the fan blowing and Holden asleep in there while also blowing up the pool in the garage. I'm a super multitasker.

But, now hold on to your seats kids, Hudson spotted the popsicles I had put in the car to take over to my neighbors. He jumped into the car and started getting the popsicles out. Right at that exact moment the pool inflated just enough to unfold completely, hitting the garbage can, and the garbage can then hitting the open car door and slamming it shut. It was like that lame mousetrap game that I now hate more than ever.

You know what happened, right? Of course you do. It's so obvious that then Hudson locked the car doors. And remember I had the fan running to keep Holden cool while still asleep and still IN THE CAR? Which means that, yes, the keys are locked in there with Hudson and the baby. I start the begging and pleading process.

Me: Please, Hudson, please. Just push that cute little button right there. Go on! You can do it!

Hudson waving the popsicle in the window: Popsicle!!

Me: Yes, Buster. I will open your popsicle when you open the door, please!

Hudson: NO! Eepey popsicle! (which is Hudson speak for open popsicle!)

Me: Please, please Hudson. Just push that button right there. In fact, push any button! Unroll the windows, anything! Just push a button please.

Hudson: NO!

Me: Buster, you need to push the buttons right here.

Hudson begins holding the steering wheel and jumping up and down on the driver's seat. Then he cranks the radio up FULL BLAST and still says: NO!

At this point he can't hear me begging him to open the door because the radio is up too loud. He keeps asking me to open his popsicle and when I point to the button on the door, he just shouts back NO! I know what I have to do. I call the police and ask them to come out and get the kids out of the car. At this point Abigail and her friend are home watching all of this unfold. Once connected to the police department they then alert the fire department who then also alerts the paramedics. Because, you know, apparently it's bad for kids to be locked in the car in the middle of summer with the windows up and stuff. Even if they have popsicles in there with them. Whatever.

A few minutes later we begin to hear the sirens and know what's coming. All vehicles with any kind of flashing lights on them and within 100 miles pulled up in front of our house. About 400 firemen (okay maybe just 7 or 8), plus a Sheriff and a handful of paramedics start circling the car. This is when Hudson begins to panic. He looks at all the guys and then to me and now he knows he's in some serious trouble. The firemen jimmy the lock in record time and get both the boys out of the car just as Hudson started crying. It was kind of sweet to see these big firemen in their suspenders and boots get the baby out of his carseat, cuddle him and make sure he was okay.

After I settle Hudson down I make him apologize and give all the firemen, paramedics, and police high 5's.

This is when the thought occurred to me to start the car up before all these supermen left. I actually heard this thought inside my head. "Start the car while they're all here and make sure that it's still in working order". I really did hear it. Right in my head.

But, no, I decide. Let's just get them on their way so that we can get on our way as well. If we hurry, we can still make it right on time for the pedicures and have lunch afterwards instead. We distribute the boys with their lunch and the now infamous popsicles and load up the girls to take off.

Now, remember how I left the fan running? And remember how Hudson turned on the radio? And how these were both going while I was pleading with Hudson to push the button, call the police, wait for the firemen, and then have the locked picked? You know what that does to a battery, right? Mmm hmmm. Dead. Turn the key, click, click, nothing kind of dead. Now we know why I heard that thought. I was being looked after, but ignored it in all my embarrassment and frustration.

Good times. No, no. Really, reeeeaaalllly good times.

Leah was in the backseat and started sobbing. Hysterically crying. Big fat tears, gasping for air, snot all over her face wailing. The sight of all the police and firemen had her freaked out enough already, but this sent her right over the edge. I begin calling neighbors again to see if anyone could come and jump the car. Another neighbor angel drives up into the driveway and we pop the hood to connect the dumb jumper cables. But this is when we discover that my battery is barely visible, and covered with all sorts of other internal car organs that make it impossible to "just jump it". She begins to look for the owner's manual while I keep trying to turn the beast over. We mess with the idiotic contraption for a bit, go back to read the manual for a bit, and then begin the expressing of colorful language (no, not really. I had two 10 year olds and a 4 year old on the edges of their seats. They would have DEFINITELY picked it up during that moment).

After leaving the heap alone for a bit with it's ridiculous hood open to allow us to just stare at the engine in disbelief, I try it one more time. It then miraculously decides to muster up some courage and whine and groan to life. Our appointment for the pedicures was at 1:15. We limped out of the driveway at 1:19 exactly. Nice. After calling grandma at the spa and having her relay the message there, we finally made it. The lovelies who did our pedi's took extra good care of us once they heard our tale of adventure.

The lessons here? Obviously I need one of those kid leashes for Hudson. Obviously. Next, if you happen to have firemen come to your house, once they have rescued your kids, see if they can do anything else for you while they are there. You know, like tighten a hinge, change a few sprinkler heads, or fix the soap dispenser in the kitchen sink. Something like that. And make sure that if you have a thought on specifically how they can help you whispered right into your thoughts, you ask them about it. I have a feeling that they'll oblige. Maybe not on the sprinkler heads, but the rest I bet they'll do.

Anyway, after "the man" came and busted up Abigail's little party, we had a nice day. Abigail ended up with aquamarine toes, Leah with navy blue, the friend with gold, and grandma with the never tried before, super adventurous color of plumby-mauve. She's a rebel, that one. It's a good thing we have a connection to the police now so we can reign her in if needed. I'll just put some more popsicles in the car and they'll be here in a jiffy.

For your information: After the reenactment of this most fun of days, the popsicle went missing in my car. Yup. Awesome.

Abigail's Birthday Extravaganza - Act 2

On the day of your birthday you wanted Brick Oven for dinner, and with the power of birthday magic, it happened.






Then the real festivities began. We used our birthday cameras to take pictures of each other taking pictures! Along with laundry baskets and Hudson flipping upside down! That's true birthday art.





There were many presents to be opened. But the one saved for last was the one you had been saving all your money for; but amazingly enough, that good 'ole birthday magic brought it to you instead.

It's the puffer fish we're talking about. Not the laundry that hadn't been sorted yet. Upon meeting your fish you came up with the most clever name immediately - Puffer. It was poetic, really.

You are an amazing girl right now, baby doll. You are so strong and sure of yourself it impresses me every single day. You stood up for yourself at school the other day and it took away a few more of my fears about you being out there all by yourself. You make me so proud. I love how you love your brothers and sister. They feel so good to be included in your wonderfulness. You make life so incredibly easy whenever you are around. Sometimes too easy. I worry that you'll work yourself out with all that you want to do and help with and learn.

I really wanted to make this birthday a special one for you. I tried to think of something that would make you feel as special as you are to me, but there's nothing out there that could do that. Just let me tell you that right now you sparkle. You are sunshine and starlight all tangled up together. You are so shimmery and shiny and beautiful, and I love everything about you. Please don't ever, ever change.

Abigail's Birthday Extravaganza - Act 1

A very, very, very long time ago, back when we had 1, maybe 2 kids, Bo stumbled upon this idea to make a child's 10th birthday something special. You know, since it's the only time a person adds a digit until they reach 100. I've had that in my head ever since.

Jeb and I have been thinking on this for a couple of years now, and we thought that taking a trip to celebrate would be a good idea. The only catch is to where.

And then, Jeb's work who has NEVER asked him to travel suddenly decides they need him to travel. On the week of Abigail's birthday. To a place that we could drive to. Together. So, to celebrate our little munchkin's decade of life we took a road trip to the fabulous, the beautiful, the child's vacation fantasy land of.....

PHOENIX!!

As in Arizona. At the end of June. We are loving it! Nights in the 90s, leaving nothing in the car because everything will melt, and the zoo closing at 2:00 because even the animals can't stand the heat, Arizona. That is celebrating in style, baby! Happy Birthday, Abigail!

It was actually a lot of fun. The trip down there was a breeze. A 12 hour breeze. The kids all did well. Holden was surprisingly a dream. If we were moving, he was content. I could feed him at stops for gas, and then once we got back on the freeway he was as happy as the Arizona police who caught us with their nasty photocop speed traps. Which is pretty happy, to say the least!

The first day we spent scouting out the local scene in search of swim diapers. Once we had located the nearest Target, we gathered our booty and headed back to the pool. Unfortunately we don't have many pictures. Evolution would need to bless me with at least 1 extra arm and 2 more sets of eyes placed on either side of my head to be able to watch all 5 kids in the water and take pictures at the same time. This was made clear to me when I almost lost Harrison to a watery grave. That and chinese food for dinner ended our first day.

On the second day we decided to brave the heat and visit the zoo. We got there fairly early for us and managed to make it just inside the gates before succumbing to the heat. Luckily the very first thing you see when you enter the zoo is a concession stand. We bought $35.00 worth of water, slushies, and diet coke to make it to the next stop. We walked as far as the train station and decided that we needed to see the animals from the comfort of our tushies, and spent the rest of the visit going around and around the zoo on the train where we heard "On your right is where we usually keep the monkeys, but they are all inside because it's too hot. Coming up on your left is our new exhibit featuring the spectacled bear. But, it's closed for the day because, again, too hot. Over here on your right would be some sort of animal, if only it weren't for the dadgum blazing heat!" That last part I added, but the rest was the truth. Good popsicles, it was hot. Once we managed to drip ourselves back to the car we decided to head back to the hotel to put the baby down and send the big kids off with dad back to the pool. Divided and conquered.




On Wednesday we all managed to pick up something akin to the bubonic plague. Saying we caught a bad cold would be like saying we caught a fluffy little baby sheep. I began using the hotel's Internet to search for how-tos on putting yourself and children into a "medicated vacation coma". As we were in the hotel's tight quarters I could actually see the bug jump from one kidlet to the next. First Leah. Then me. Then Hudson, Jeb, and Abigail. Again I say Happy Birthday, Abigail! Harrison and Holden must have some sort of death virus force field because they managed to steer clear. Needless to say, Wednesday was spent down at the Safeway loading up on Sudafed, Triaminic, and all the class 3 narcotics I could get my hands on. Oh, and slushies from Sonic.

Thursday we mustered up the courage to try the pool again. This time I waited until Holden's nap and sequestered him poolside in the stroller. I buckled 3 out of the remaining 4 in life vests and let Abigail be the fish she was in her former life. That managed to keep us in the water for about 2 1/2 hours. Victory!!

Friday was the beginning of the end when we traveled to the Grand Canyon on the first leg of the trip back home. You know, there's a pretty good view out there at that ole' Grand Canyon. Huh! Go figure!

We made it home by Saturday evening, took a head count and didn't have to go back for any kids. We did it. The add-a-digit vacation was a success.