One Year Ago Today - Ryan's Cabin

On this Saturday the 31st we are headed up to our friend's Ryan's cabin. I was not looking forward to the snow, but the kids were. We were excited and happy and on our way. Once we get up there though, the phone calls start coming and begin to darken my getaway.

We had just arrived in the cabin, started up a fire, and began warming some water on the stove when Bo called. She let me in on the testing that had been done. I think at this point she was pretty sure what was going on, but we started throwing out other ideas to see if any of it made sense to Dr. Bo and her P.A. Robyn. We began our focus on her heart.

It could be congestive heart failure, right? That would be fine. That's totally treatable.

She could have a pacemaker. That's almost routine nowadays, isn't it?

If that's not it, people live on artificial hearts forever now, and heart transplant surgeries are done, like, everyday, right? That's a good option.

Then we focus on her lungs. Tuberculosis. That's it. Never mind that she has never been exposed to TB, or ever had it before in her life, we decide that could be a feasible answer to the spots and the cough.

COPD? Maybe? Does that show up on x-rays? Does that manifest itself in a gut wrenching cough? What do you think? Maybe? Maybe?

We have hashed over everything our non-medical schooled minds can come up with. It's decided we'll talk more about it tomorrow. Sunday is the Super Bowl and we'll all be together. Mom wants to discuss it more with all of us then.

One Year Ago Today - More Testing

The chest x-ray and sinus CT results come back and Dr. Dubowski calls my mom and tells her that she needs to come into the office that day.



Probably not the best sign.



The sinus CT is normal. Nothing going on there. No surprise to mom that she doesn't have a sinus infection, since the antibiotics that are strong enough to cure a horse aren't having any effect on her cough.

It's the chest x-ray that they are concerned about. Mom's heart, big as it is already, looks gigantic on the x-ray. Instead of encompassing the space of just a portion of one lung, hers filled almost both lungs. Enlarged heart was an understatement. Plus, there may be some spots on her lungs that are a little concerning. Dr. Dubowski tells mom to go right away and have a chest CT, and puts in an order for an EKG. Off to Jordan Valley Hospital for the CT, and then home to wait for a call back on an appointment for the EKG.

One Year Ago Today - Another Visit and Testing

Mom had only been on this second round of antibiotics for 1 week. Things were not going well. As it turns out, she is allergic to this new medicine, a realization that came after being covered in hives. Plus, the cough is getting much, much worse. The she-can't-catch-her-breath kind of worse. Coughing so hard she is throwing up worse. So, on back to Dr. Dubowski.


Dr. Dubowski orders a sinus CT for mom to do right away. She goes on over to St. Mark's this time (remember Alta View? Jerks.) and does the sinus CT and the chest x-ray one right after the other. And then goes home to wait for results.


There was something that happened while undergoing these tests. I don't think we realized it until later, but it started with these first (of many, many more to come) scans. While having them done, she didn't cough. She was able to lie still enough for the radiation people to get an accurate picture. It went unnoticed at the time, but in looking back she was amazingly blessed. I think if she wasn't able to lie still enough for the length of time needed to get the x-ray and CT, the doctors wouldn't have been able to tell right away what was going on. It was another tender mercy that we were able to see more clearly afterwards. When I look back on these frantic times, I am able to see how she was guided with every single step. Not one of us, even though we had no idea what was about to come our way, was being left alone.

Superstition and the Tie-Breaker

When my dad was younger he played baseball every chance he got and, believe you me, he was the brute of Sorenson Park. Nobody dared mess with that boy from Arapaho Avenue, I tell you what. My dad played the position of catcher. He was his own version of the Sandlot's Ham. Only scrawnier and, I imagine, mustached already. I'm sure he sprouted his 'stache at the same time his first teeth appeared.

If you don't know the Great Hambino from the Sandlot, first of all shame on you. You are officially an L-7 wienie. Yeah, yeah, Oscar Meyer, even. Foot long! Dodger dog! A WIENIE!! Secondly you must stop reading this immediately, go and find a copy of the movie and properly immerse yourself in this cinema classic. You can thank me as soon as the credits roll. We can discuss the injustice of it being overlooked for an Oscar some other time.

Now, what this did to my dad during his impressionable youth was two fold. First off, it made him a champ at the smack talk. I can see him crouching down behind home plate antagonizing the heck out of the batters and messing with their heads. "Is that your sister out in left field? Naked? You think she'd go out with me?" Warning them of the pitch that was about to come their way and laughing with each strike. Yup, that's my dad. Go golfing with him just one time. You'll see it.

Secondly, as with any baseball player, but especially the catchers, it made him crazy superstitious. Everything said and done on a winning day was continued until the luck was drained out of the ritual. If you wore a blue shirt and happened to lose a game that day, you would never dare dream of wearing that cursed shirt again. Even now you won't find him saying or doing anything that was done on one of his teams losing days. I would give you specifics, but that would be bad luck. You understand.

This is the trait that fortunately (you have to say fortunately when talking about superstition, right?) is the one that was passed on genetically to me. I'm no good at the trash talk, but boy do I have my superstitions. This was made very clear when we found out we were expecting our #5. Everyone would ask "What are you hoping for? Boy or girl?", and I would always reply with "Oh, it doesn't matter. As long as the baby is healthy and smaller than 8 pounds I will be happy". But really, I had my preference. I just didn't reveal that preference for fear of the jinx. I even had a name picked out for said preference, but I wouldn't tell Jeb what that was, and didn't let him know if it was a pink name or a blue name. No sense in tempting fate. We had to find out what we were having before I would breathe a word of it.

And then came the day of the ultrasound. Nervous doesn't come close to describing how I felt. This was the day that officially made me a mom of 5(!). I wasn't sure if I even wanted to go in that tiny, dimly lit room. I was having more than just doubts about my ability to do this again. Suddenly superstitions and preferences for gender were thrown out the window; and only then came the realization that healthy and growing well really were what I was hoping for. I knew that boy or girl wasn't important. We are being blessed with a new baby, and I am incredibly thankful for that. A whisper came of "everything will be okay, no matter the color of the blankets" and that brought me great comfort.

So, what did we see that day, you ask? Who wins the tie breaker?

Girls: 2

Boys: 3

Blue blankets it is. I think he'll be a catcher himself when he gets bigger. Hopefully without the mustache, though, but just as good a trash talker.

One Year Ago Today - Antibiotics Round 2

It had been 2 weeks since starting antibiotics, and nothing was happening. My mom wasn't getting any better at all. The cough was still there, every waking and every resting minute of the day and night. So, back to Dr. Dubowski's it was. Another round of antibiotics was ordered, this one being much, much stronger than the first. The prescription for an x-ray was there and waiting, but the doctor could still hear nothing in mom's lungs. It was decided to give some time to this new prescription and see how things went.

One Year Ago Today - The First Appointment

So, Bo found a doctor close to my mom's work and able to see her after work hours. Bo was actually calling about another doctor, but he was not taking new patients. Frustrated, Bo asked "is there anybody in your office who is?" and they put my mom down with Dr. Dubowski.

Or Dr. Druebowski

Or Dr. Dubraski.

However my dad says her name at any point in time. It has never been the same pronunciation twice.

Dr. Dubowski was kind and patient. She listened to my mom's lungs very carefully and could hear nothing. So, she wrote my mom a prescription for antibiotics, suspecting some kind of sinus infection. And, even though she couldn't hear anything to warrant one, she also wrote a prescription for a chest x-ray, given my sister's insistence. My mom went to Alta View Hospital to have the chest x-ray performed, but nobody was interested in giving her any attention. After waiting there far longer than necessary, she decided to leave. Dr. Dubowski wasn't concerned about her lungs, why should my mom sit forever just to have nobody help her, right? She decided to let the antibiotics do their thing, and left Alta View without her chest x-ray.

Thanks a lot, Alta View Radiology Department. Thanks a lot.

One Year Ago Today - The First Phone Call

Last year my guys had the school schedule that had them off for over a month after Christmas. I love that schedule. I love any schedule where they are home, really. To help pass the time and to try to vaccinate ourselves against cabin fever, we ventured out to our local JoAnn's to find some crafty distractions. As we wandered up and down the rows with the boxed kits, my phone rang. It was Bo.

It was the phone call that really started it all.

She was worried about mom. Apparently, without me noticing, my mom had gotten a terrible cold sometime between Halloween and Thanksgiving. After recovering from the cold, there was a cough that lingered. A bad cough. A cough that would not let up and no over the counter medicine could cure. This was a cough that apparently kept getting worse over time, no matter how long my mom waited for it to just get better. But, she did wait. The holidays were coming and she wanted to get through those. She always works herself into overdrive during that time. There is actually an entire week called "Cookie Week" where she bakes a crazy amount of cookies to give to family and neighbors. So, maybe if we could just wait until after things settled down and she could rest, this nasty cough would heal itself.

Of course it did not heal itself. In fact it got much, much worse. Bo revealed to me on the phone that this cough of hers was so bad that it was keeping my parents up at night. She could not sleep lying down because it aggravated things. So she and my dad slept on the couch during the few continuous moments where she could breathe comfortably. My dad propped himself sitting up against the edge of the couch, and my mom propped herself up against him. They would doze off when her chest was calm, and then he would help her through when the cough came back to wake them up.

My mom was working as much as she could just to get sick time. Between the cold and the holidays, she had used up every hour she had. So, she would go to work feeling lousy until she could accrue some time off. Once she had earned those 8 hours of vacation, she took a day off to try to recover. It was a vicious cycle. One in which she never really got any rest at all.

Bo was calling doctor after doctor located around my mom's office to try to get her an appointment right away, and at a time where my mom didn't have to miss work. After a few attempts, she found a physician who could see her on January 6th; which was the first of many, many, many tender mercies to come.

We ended our phone call and the kids made their selections. In thinking back I still can't remember what activities we picked out. Things were kind of in a blur. It was just the beginning of the frustration of wanting so desperately to do something, but not being able to. Oh how little did I know.

We left the store and all I could think about was my parents trying to get some rest out in the family room. The two of them just leaning on each other trying to make it through the night. She beginning to cough, and he right beside her, rubbing her back and arms, trying to comfort her in spite of his worries. So sweet. Everyone knows that what they have is special. The two of them are the supreme example to me of everything good in marriage. They were married so, so young but really the odds were always in their favor. They had and still have what it takes to make things work. Even in the middle of an excruciatingly long night, in the face of no rest, they supported each other. Literally.

The story will continue.